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Lost Episode of the Academy Awards
Alright, I'm just going to sound very generic with this intro. We all love the Academy Awards! But did you know that there was a lost episode of the Oscars you didn't know about? Well let me tell you, because it was such a 'spooky' experience! I wasn't an intern or clicked on the .exe file that's normally a cliché in these stories. I'm a film critic, much better than the Nostalgia Critic, to be exact. Anyway, I went to the post office to get my mail when I received a package that was from Amazon. Jeff Bezo is evil, and he wants to take over the world. As I got home, I opened up the package and instantly dropped the package on the ground. I was very spooked, it was a VHS tape! It's now 2020, do these people ever heard of a laser disc?! “Great, now I have to get my VHS player out of my basement!” I said to myself. After two hours of setting things together, it was time for me to watch the tape. I put the VHS in, sat on the couch with a bag of Harbio Frogs, two pizzas, tacos, and a two liter of Mountain Dew. Everything seemed totally legit, like nothing was off or choppy. It was like watching the actual Oscars, though the audience consisted of different people. Majority of the audience consisted of skeletons, but there was famous people in the crowd. I can't name a lot because I could get lawsuits and I don't make much being a film maker in America... There was: Jeff the Killer, Slenderman, George Jetson, Urkel, Bob Saget, Comic Sans Hernandez, Ryan Reynolds, Bradley Cooper, A Homeless Man, Schizzleton, Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Jeffery Epstein with a noose around his neck, George the Ostrich, Kermit the Frog, Chris Hansen, Joaquin Phoenix, Rooney Mara, Dave the Useless, The View (In their Robotic Self), Alex Jones, Judge Judy, Thanos, Peach, Ginger Spice, and Fred Durst! They were looking very glamours, and very stylish. So it seemed legit. The orchestrated music began to play as the curtain lifted up. The announcer began speaking. “Welcome to the Creepypasta Awards! Welcome your host... James Woods!” Everyone began clapping their hands, making “woohoo” noises, and screaming like a bunch of children. Wait a minute... this isn't the actual Oscars and what the fuck is creepypasta?! Ugh. “Welcome to the Creepypasta Awards, I'm your host, James Woods! Now I hope you guys are PREPARED for this show, because I don't GIVE A FUCK about how you feel. You guys think you're going to expect anything political? Well KISS MY ASS because you AIN'T SNOWFLAKE! I'm tired if you people bringing anything political into conversations! Sorry! Trump is still YOUR president! You guys may feel “dishelved” or “spooked” with this whole “hyperrealistic” blood but not on my watch! Facts don't care about your FEELINGS! Now, we are going to have a fun time! If anyone says anything stupid, you will face the consequences! Our first presenter is a man who is brutally honest, he thinks that tap water makes frogs gay and screams on his show! Presenting 'Best Writer' is... Alex Jones!” The audience began to cheer as Alex ran so fast to the podium, he was very red and he looked like he was going to explode. I began to feel very uncomfortable, isn't this suppose to be a well-mannered time? “HELLO. I AM ALEX JONES. Writing is such an important piece in Literature. When I'm not spewing out my views, I like to wind down with a good story. The following people have written such brilliant stories that should be adapted into movies. The nominees for 'Best Writer' are: DaveTheUseless, Schizzleton, Ginger Spice, and Peter Griffin.” Each nominee was shown on the television with people clapping.“And the award goes to... SCHIZZLETON!” He was shocked, he won an award and that is a good thing! Schizzleton got up and gave Dave and Ginger a big hug before walking up the stage. He grabbed the award out off Alex Jones and walked to the podium. Instead of the Oscar trophies, they were Mountain Dew trophies in a gold color! He coughed for about a minute, clearing his voice before speaking. “Awards come and awards go. Thank you for this, every, and all awards. But I want to talk about something near and dear to my heart. The 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center were perpetrated by United States government, George W. Bush in particular planned the entire thing himself. Don't ask any questions, I'm not taking questions right now. Thank you and good night." He walked off the stage as everyone clapped, a few got emotional from what he said. For about 30 minuets, the award categories they had were just ridiculous! “Best Cliche, Best Disheveled Moment, and Best Word?! Who came up with these categories?!” In between the awards, there was many musical artists performing. Such as: Imagine Dragons, BTS, a skeleton band, Urkel and George Jetson were singing 'Old Town Road'! The camera faded to black but quickly came back. It cut to Ginger Spice walking to the podium. “Presenting Best Side Villain, Ginger Spice!” said the announcer as everyone was clapping. “These five men are talented in extraordinary ways. The nominees for Best Side Villain are: Urkel, Peter Griffin, Howie Mandel, Alex Jones, and Tim Taylor. And the award goes to... URKEL!” Everyone began to cheer as Urkel was in shock, he stood up and began walking up the stage. He stumbled on stage like Cosmo Kramer, and he quickly hugged Ginger and took the award statue. “Thank you! I'm so sorry about that! Thank you so much to the Academy for giving me this award it means so much! I'd like to thank the following people for this...” He grabs a piece of long paper that drops to the ground. “I'd like to give my warm thanks to my Mother, Father, Grandma, Grandpa...” This speech took almost 25 minuets, and I was going to fall asleep. I saw Bradley Cooper walk up the stage and grabbed Urkel by the back and flung him up towards the ceiling. Urkel began screaming. “AAAAAHHHHH!!!” he said as he fell down to the audience full of skeletons. The sound of bowling pins being knocked over were heard and bones were flying everywhere. “I'm okay!” Urkel shouts out. For about ten minuets, the camera cut to a group of skeletons in top hat and canes dancing to many songs. I was starting to think that there was something evil about this tape. “To present Best Villain, give a warm welcome to... DaveTheUseless!” Dave walks up to the podium, he looks very nice and silk, but he is wearing a red baseball cap, like Fred Durst wears! “Every story has a villain, and in the Creepypasta world, there are many unique villains. The nominees for Best Villian are: George Jetson, Bob Saget, Urkel, Bradley Cooper, and Donald Trump. And the award goes to...” There was sudden drum roll and everyone was screaming out: “George! Urkel! Bradley! Donald!” I began to chew on my fingernails; I did not expect this to happen. “George Jetson!” George Jetson got up on his chair and began dancing. He did back flips from his chair to the stage. He took the award from Dave and walked to the podium. “Finally! One of my biggest dreams has come true! I'd like to thank so many people for this; it means so much! My family couldn't be here tonight, they died in a trash compactor but they're in the “afterlife” watching over me.” It was so emotional, like a raw speech I never heard before. The camera cut to Bradley Cooper, very angry with hyperrealistic tears, upset that he lost an award. “I may be a bad guy, but I have a good heart. And I'm glad I won this! Thank you and goodnight!” George Jetson walked off stage. The lighting went to a dim as it cut to Fred Durst on a chair with a guitar. “To perform the In Memorial, Fred Durst! With his cover of: Behind Blue Eyes.” said the announcer, it cut to photos of many people that are actually still alive. The names were announced: Dr. Phill The Amazing Atheist Judy Jetson Elroy Jetson Jane Jetson Bob Ross ContractorOfYeastInfections Narsicko Bill Clinton Sam O'Nella Stan Smith Peter Griffin Steve Harvey My Sanity My Hopes and Dreams Donald Trump's Cabinet Hans Goldberg The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Smash Mouth The K-Pop Genre The North America Sasquatch It was a beautiful memorial and it made me cry tears in my 2 liter Mountain Dew. A quick cut showed the stage once again; George Jetson and Urkel began walking towards the podium. “Presenting our final award, George Jetson and Steve Urkel!” said the announcer. George and Urkel looked upon smiling, George looked fine but Urkel was very disheveled. He had a leg cast, a arm brace, his head was wrapped in bandages, and there was a neck brace around him. “You feel better, Steve?” George, Steve was still his happy self, not worrying about his injuries. “I sure do,” he said. “But I'm really excited about our last award. I had so much fun, did you?” George is smiling than usual, it seems like George has turned his life around. “I did too, but enough of that! Our last award is for the person who has affected so much in the industry. This person has made a sacrifice and is known for making people laugh in so many ways. The Lifetime Achievement Award goes to...” There was another drum-roll, and everyone was getting nervous on who it could be. I was getting so scared, I was thinking about calling the cops. George Jetson opens the card, he and Urkel lean to the microphone and take a deep breath. “DaveTheUseless!” The audience began to loose it, they screamed, they cried, and they cheered. Balloons and hyper realistic confetti fell down from the ceiling. Dave, wiping his tears, hugged everyone that was next to him. He walked up on stage and took the award, walking to the podium. He took a deep breath and spoke in the microphone. “Why… are you doing this? Why? Isn’t the universe big enough… for both of us? Ha ha ha ha. What is wrong with you people? We could work together. Why be enemies? Because we’re different? Is that why? Think of the things that we could do. Think how strong we would be. Earth… and Mars… Together. There is nothing that we could not accomplish. Think about it. Think about it. Why destroy… when you can create? We can have it all, or we can smash it all. Why can’t we… work out our differences? Why can’t we… work things out? Little people… why can’t we all just… get along?” His speech got cut to a tussle between him and James Woods. Oh my god! James Woods had Dave on the ground, and he was choking him! “Ack! What’s this? Ack! Ack ack! Ack ack!” said Dave, he tried fighting back but he was too weak. “THIS WAS NOT THE PLACE TO MAKE THINGS POLITICAL! I SAID THAT AT THE BEGINNING!” I screamed in terror, why would he do such a thing? Suddenly I heard a gun shot, and James Woods was shot and he fell to the ground. “Who did this?!” I screamed out loud. The camera zoomed away from James, revealing the killer. It was Joaquin Phoenix, and he dressed up like he did in the Joker, the outfit and make up! He dropped the gun and jumped over Dave, who was perfectly fine. Joaquin did a twirl and a dance before grabbing the camera. “Goodnight, and always remember... That's Li--” It cut to a quick static and the VHS stopped playing. I had to contemplate what just happened, it wasn't something I saw before, even this was scarier than Freddy Got Fingered! “Why did this exist? Why, just why?” I've asked myself for almost two months. I had to get psychiatric help for this. I probably won't find the answers, and I got to accept that. I gave the lost tape a 8/10 rating, I would recommend. Category:Lost Episodes